Today marks two years since I said farewell to my stomach. Do I miss my stomach? Yeah, I still miss it. But as time passes I learn more and more about living without the organ that would have killed me.
I’m currently sitting at 120lbs. I’m starting to look like I did prior to surgery. Afterall, I’m only 5lbs off. However, I am more lean than I was before surgery. No complaints. For those of you who are afraid of nor gaining the weight back, it will come back but it takes time and effort.
I eat a lot. A lot. I’ve never counted calories but I eat frequently. I believe this has contributed to gradual weight gain. The other day I was offering my brother some snacks from my backpack as it was near dinner time and he hadn’t eaten yet.
Brother: “no thanks”
Me: “Trail mix?”
Brother: “no thanks”
Me: “Starburst candy?”
Brother: “no thanks”…pause….”how much food do you have in there?”
Me: Laughing, “granola bar? Lifesavers? Peppermint?”
I always have food on me. The fear of needing food and it not being there still sits with me. When you need food and you don’t eat, things go downhill pretty fast. Nuts are my usual go to food. I also still like “kind bars” and “quest bars”.
I can tolerate most foods now. I can eat sweets but in moderation and spaced out overtime. Two weeks ago I learned I can eat ice cream cake. Huge score!!!
On Friday, I ate half 1/4 of an assorted subway sub and 1 cookie and felt not too bad. If given the choice, I still avoid bread due to the carb crash but I’m able to eat it in small quantities without dumping. I miss eating sandwiches so sometimes I eat them and deal with the aftermath. I call it foggy brain.
My energy levels have not returned to where they were before surgery. I am not sure if they will. Brandon said I lost my energy storage tank so fatigue hits me faster. Sometimes I can go all day and other days it’s like I haven’t slept in days. Pacing is key. However, sometimes I get frustrated that my energy isn’t where it should be and just push through the fatigue. I’m still unsure if this will help me overtime or just lead to burn out.
I am able to work about 30-32 hours a week comfortably. This allows for a good work-life balance. It took me a while to understand that this was my ideal balance as I used to work 42 hours a week and man the house. I am working on accepting that 30-32 hours as a physio is what I’m able to do now. It’s been a tough fact to swallow (pun intended).
As I look back over the past two years losing my stomach has been more of a mental struggle vs. physical. The surgery was the easy part. When you are super healthy and decide to have a life altering elective surgery based on statistics you have to be mentally strong.
I have good and bad days. The bad days aren’t even that bad anymore. But on those not so good days, I’m thankful that I have a strong support system in place. Not only do I have my family and friends, I’ve made great connections with people around the world going through a similar situation.
I often read the posts of people early out of surgery and remember those tough times just after surgery. I also read back through my own posts to see how far I’ve come. Time really does heal. For those just fresh out from under the knife – hang in there!
As my life returns to a consistent normal, I find myself searching for interesting topics to blog about. Someone once told me that I will stop blogging when I feel like I don’t need the blog anymore. Although I’m not fully ready to stop documenting my adventures, I may be scaling back the frequency of the posts.