The grass is always greener…

Before surgery, I would watch what I would be eating and ensuring that I maintained my weight at a nice 125lbs.  People said that I did not look like I weighed 125lbs.  I used to joke it was because I was solid muscle.  If I started to gain weight, it was an indicator to cut back and watch what you were eating and go do more physical activity.

Fast forward to seven weeks later.  I am living what may sound like a dream for some.  Don’t go to work. Eat as much as you want.  Don’t even consider going to the gym to lose weight because you will never have to worry about that problem again.  Lie outside and read a book.

When I’m garage sailing, I have started to look through the clothing piles because I can usually score some nice clothing for a low, low price.  When I mention to people that I am replacing my wardrobe because I have lost a lot of weight, their response is always, “Oh that is so great, congratulations!”.  It’s funny how we view weight loss in our society. Before my surgery, I would have said exactly the same thing.

When my mom used to talk about the amount of weight she was losing and how easy it was to lose weight, sometimes you couldn’t help but be a little envious.  I now fully understand the weight loss battle.  My mom and I believe that it’s a really hard concept to understand unless you have lived it.  I have tried my very best to eat every two hours and load each meal with as many calories as possible but inevitably, I have lost another pound and now sit at 107lbs.  I hear it can take up to six months for your weight to stabilize.  I believe I need to hit about 2,000 kcal to maintain my weight and most days I struggle to hit 1,500kcal.  I know that this is why I am losing 1lb a week.

I have only seen one photograph of myself at this new weight.  It was the one I took for this blog and as much of a surprise it may have been for my readers, it was a real wake up call for me.  I see myself every day so the weight loss doesn’t seem as dramatic; but, when I compared the two photographs, I was shocked as well.  I used to stop our screen door from hitting me with my butt while I unlocked our main door to the house.  Now I have to angle myself a perfect way so the door doesn’t come slamming into my tailbone.  I can no longer sit on the baseball bleachers because they are too hard.  I am slowly learning to accept my new body.  But some days it can be a tough thing to swallow (yet another good pun!)

Studies have shown that people who undergo this surgery lose 15-20% of their original body weight permanently.  That puts me somewhere in the 106-110lbs range.  I am hoping to stabilize at 110lbs.  I used to talk about how the weight loss post surgery scared me and now it is happening.  We are all a little concerned.

I debated about writing this post because it doesn’t read like my usual happy go lucky posts but I think it’s important to see all sides of recovery.

But don’t worry about me! Overall, my spirits remain high.  I continue to improve daily.  I have been booked for my gastroscopy/dilation which is Thursday (tomorrow).  Yay!!!  I am sure this will solve all my weight loss issues because I’ll be able to consume more.  I have another follow-up with my surgeon this afternoon.  I look forward to being able to eat more and puree less.

This is going to be a busy blogging week!

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2 thoughts on “The grass is always greener…

  1. This is a really great description of the post-TG weight loss perspective. We’re so conditioned to view it as a good thing, and no one really understands how putting butter, cream cheese and peanut butter on EVERYTHING can be a burden sometimes 😉 Good for you getting the dilation scheduled so quickly! I’m sure the difference in what/how much you can eat after that procedure will be like night and day!

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